One of my
worst experience I had when I started college is not knowing what I was suppose
to do or what was suppose to be done because I was a new to the college life. I
started off doing things on my own and in the wrong way. The first thing I
started to do wrong was sign up for financial aid which I didn’t know that it had
other parts that you should sign up for such as tap and grand awards to get
more money to pay for your tuition. I had to stand in line and get help from
others that wasn’t even sure them selves what I had to do or what was the next
step I should take to be eligible for financial aid. I did not know how to
register for classes either or what I was suppose to do in order to get the
schedule of classes that I need to fit my specific major. I had a hard time
picking which major I was interested in and after 1 year of deciding what I
want to do I finally made a decision. From then I started to take classes that
were related to that major which is radiology. I did not know that the school
requires high grades in order to be accepted to this program and most of all I
did not know or was not notified that there was no professor to teach this
specific major. The advice that was given to me was to take other classes
outside that major in that time being or I would just have to wait until the
seats would be available for the radiology major. So therefore I wasted one
year of school and I took classes that would not even be necessary towards any
other major if I was to switch. After deciding what to do I switched to early
childhood education which I thought would be better for me because since I was
little I always wanted to become a teacher. So I had to start all over again
and make back up the credits that I needed. I also had to take different sets
of classes toward my childhood education major.
As for the
three years that I have been in this school my experience was horrible. Some of
the worker in the school can not help you with one issue so they would transfer
you to someone else who is not even sure can help you but they still advise you
to go anyways. As per the change of information that the facilities are
supposed to know to help other students they are not current and updated with
the correct information. This was with an issue I had when registering for
classes on the CUNY first website and was not allowed to. When I called the
school to find out what is going on the person told me that she is not sure why
it is not working and I have to come in to solve the issue. When I came in that
was when they mentioned that they had changed the course section and they have
to enroll you manually. So I was thinking to myself why couldn’t they update me
with this info before hand instead of my worrying and trying to figure out what
is going on. As per my high school everything was done and all ready for me. I
did not have to worry about my schedule or anything. Everything was taken care
of by my guidance counselor and delivered to me as soon as possible. I
understand and noticed that college is a way of being independent and having
everything done on your own. This is why it made a big change in my life when I
was moving from high school to college. It not only affected me physically but
it showed me that not all the time in life things would be easy you eventually
would have to face hardship sometime in the future.
My life differed as a student with
the transition of high school to college. Several tasks were performed to
better me as a student and to reach to future goals. These tasks made me
realize the differences between going to a school that has everything ready and
done for you and another school that you are just independent and is required
to know everything before hand. After all my life as a student this made me a
better person today. It also made me want to go back if I had the opportunity
and try to fix the part where I did not take up much interest in and how it
would affect me later on in life.
Bibi,
ReplyDeleteThis has improved dramatically. I think your descriptions of problems you've had at LaGuardia are very effective. they also made me very sad and angry for all our students. I am so so sorry you have been put through so much nonsense. You are not alone. Many f our students feel this way. LaGuardia has some great things going on, and there are good people to get help from. Unfortunately, many students don't find the resources they need at the college until it's too late. This, to me, is an argument to better fund CUNY. We are all stretched too thin.
There are two things I am concerned about in your essay:
1. You need to work on your LOCs. Use the Writing Center. Read books or newspaper articles or ANYTHING to get more immersed in language. This paper still sounds so much like someone talking. It makes sense, and I'm glad you are using this strategy to get started, but remember to use retrospective and projective structuring! And a tutor at the Writing Center can be just the right trick for that. Go use the tutor as an outside reader. Tell him/her you are working on sentence structure. You'll learn alot -- and turn all that great talking into a professional piece of writing.
2. One aspect of revision I want you to understand: You wrote a whole new middle part, but kept pretty much your exact same intro and concluding paragraphs. It reads like you just stuck information into an earlier draft of an essay, but did nothing to properly reframe the whole...and the content of the intro and conclusion are actually quite different and feel very displaced and off-topic.
This is not what we mean by revision, actually. You have to, as Perl just told us to, go back over things and think about continuity, structure, and how it will feel for another person reading it. Keeping the old essay and plunking new writing into the middle of it is NEVER ever ok. It never works. Any time you make ANY change, you have to go back and check the flow of the WHOLE essay—start to finish.